It’s been a while since I posted. Life got in the way big time. I blame what I call my extended remix of a midlife crisis. You see it’s been a neverending story. Don’t get me wrong, I have a good life. I work hard for it. But these darned crises episodes won’t stop. And what is the crux of these crises? I don’t want to get into the nitty gritties here but let’s just say there have been some curve balls life has thrown at me. Disappointments, heartbreaks, the usual hardships that I know everyone has to deal with so I should stop taking mine so personally. A current biggy for me is the frustration I feel because I’m 45 and my life isn’t anything like how I thought it would be by now. A classic mid-life crisis if ever there was one.
I remember over 10 years ago I ran into an old counselor of mine. I hadn’t seen him in a long time when really I should have because I had just got through a very hard breakup. I had worked my way through it on my own though and felt a huge sense of relief. When I saw this man at a Mayan shamanism workshop I proclaimed with pride that I had survived my early onset midlife crisis. He just smirked and said not to worry and that I’d have many more midlife crises in my future. I was taken aback to say the least!!! Not only because I didn’t really relish the idea of more crap to deal because at that point I had my fill but also because this man is very wise and understands you create your own reality so why would he even plant that seed in my, at the time, very delicate consciousness?
Well flash forward over a decade later and low and behold my old counselor was right. Life has dished out a series of crises since then. Each one I tried to deem my midlife crisis so I could then move on and life would get easier. Or so I thought. But they haven’t gone away and now, after the doozy of a crisis that was my last year, I am resigning myself to the fact that life is a string of crises, not just midlife. They can happen at any time. And I don’t want to sound negative or foreboding. It just feels like this is something I need to embrace instead of avoid.
Now I do believe that my thoughts create my reality so if I think this crisis mode is how life is then of course it will be my experience. A bummer for sure. But maybe that’s me approaching it all wrong. Maybe certain things in my life are going to happen regardless and my thoughts and reactions to these events are what create my reality not the event itself. Maybe the crisis isn’t a crisis until I call it that. Really it’s just a life event happening to me and I’m labeling it as a crisis and this sets me up for a hard time from the get go. What if I saw it as inherently neutral and interpreted my experiences from the point of view that it’s there to serve me somehow? What then? Well, I’d choose to take what happens and assign a personal meaning to it that is empowering. Trust that it’s there for a reason. That it can make me stronger, wiser, and more full of love and compassion for others and myself if I let it.
So back to this extended midlife crisis thing. I have been letting it define me for very long time but now I’m starting to define it. In my opinion Brene Brown sums it up best:
People may call what happens at midlife “a crisis”. But it’s not. It’s an unraveling – a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live not the one you’re supposed to live. The unraveling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are.
Here’s to my unraveling.